PROFIT FROM HAPPINESS by Millennial Author Jake Ducey

Excerpted with permission from PROFIT FROM HAPPINESS by Jake Ducey from TarcherPerigee, a division of Penguin Random House. Copyright 2016, Jake Ducey.

Vulnerability expert Dr. Brené Brown says that vulnerability feels like the birthplace of everything bad, but it’s also the birthplace of freedom, joy, and connection. The remedy for feeling vulnerable is courage. In our culture we think courage is perfection—being fearless, brave, and strong, clobbering anything that comes our way, being invincible. In fact, it’s the opposite. This is how Nelson Mandela defined it: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Courage is the ability to feel like you may not be good enough to increase your income, become a leader through example, learn a new skill, or make a person smile and feel loved, but you make the attempt, and in the act you uncover a new sense of freedom and joy. You feel more connected to those around you. You step outside your box and find dormant forces and energies within you that open up a whole new way of living and working in the world. Some of us wonder, can I give my whole self to this? But instead of asking what’s the worst that can happen, we have to start wondering, if I finally do this, what’s the best that can happen? What’s the best that can happen if I finally take that next step in my life? What’s the best that can happen if I authentically try to connect with the people whose paths I cross on a daily basis? What’s the best that can happen if I ask that person out on a date? What’s the best that can happen if I smile and start a conversation with someone I would ordinarily just walk past?

I’ll admit, saying hi first, getting fired, working hard for a raise, asking someone out on a date, giving someone you don’t know a compliment, and trying something new are all scary things to do. What if I fail? What if they don’t understand me? What if they think I’m stupid, ugly, or not good enough? What will happen if I do this? There’s no guarantee it will work out. What if I put my all into this and it flops? Yes, these things are all a bit scary because they make us vulnerable—they crack our shell. But that’s what this world is for—it’s a place where to be free you must expose yourself. Otherwise we are just hiding behind masks and default behaviors that work only to protect us from imagined rejection and untested feelings of unworthiness.

We must remember that being vulnerable also means being deeply grounded in our five senses. When we live and work from a place that says, “I may feel afraid, but I’m going to open myself up despite this anxiety,” we begin to inspire everyone around us to slowly come out of their shell too. We begin to see how strong and worthy we really are. We begin to trust ourselves more. And we begin to feel more connected to those around us and to the work we do, even where we once felt disengaged. This is the best way to increase our value, and thus our earnings in the world. Whether you clean floors, work in an office, teach students, are an artist, entrepreneur, or run a major company, you can become a leader by stepping out of your shell. That courageous energy is contagious. People notice it consciously and feel it unconsciously.

When you connect with those around you, people notice it and begin to reciprocate. You can inspire people and shift the culture of your work or home. When you take the step, your gesture invites others to do the same. People begin to open themselves up, to be seen and heard, which allows them to see and hear others as well. Being vulnerable may seem like a weakness, but perhaps it’s our biggest strength. It helps us become the greatest version of ourselves. It allows us to have more courage, connection, love, passion, and creativity.

The great writer C. S. Lewis once said: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

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Inadequacy is a common fear among people who want to be leaders or to achieve something great in their lives. We may be bigger and better than we’ve ever been, but that doesn’t mean the larger public will immediately recognize it. It’s that feeling of putting our all into something and not getting what we expect back. It’s reaching out to someone with compassion and then getting shut down or going unnoticed. These feelings are not fun, but they are feelings that leaders must feel.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jake Ducey is author of the bestselling Into the Wind, The Purpose Principles, and Profit from Happiness. He speaks throughout the country, everywhere from middle schools to TEDx conferences, on consciously and responsibly creating our lives. A San Diego native, you can find him online at JakeDucey.com.