We have all had bosses who were just wonderful. Easy going, kind, approachable. The challenge was that they were so great that some people took advantage of them. We have also had the opposite bosses: harsh, vindictive, difficult, moody, unforgiving. The challenge was that they couldn’t keep employees. We want to find a balance between where people respect their leaders without trying to take advantage of them; and leaders respect their followers and encourage versus coerce.
Balance isn’t necessary only in workplaces. Two friends have to be equally invested in their relationship. If only one is motivating interaction and planning all the activities, the friendship will die. The same is true in a romantic relationship. Both have to be committed to the relationship. It really takes two.
So, the answer is to find balance . . . but how? As a logical person, my first approach would be to segment the areas of your life and ensure that some attention is going to each sector.
For instance, you might have work, home/family, social, and sleep/rest. With four segments that suggests that you may have 25% of time for each. In fact, however, if you’re an eight-hour/night sleeper, then you already have 33% of your time committed. That 8% has to come from somewhere. Not being legalistic, I wouldn’t get too upset over the actual hours spent in each area, but that you have allowed time for each area.
You know you have to commit at least 60 hours of every week to work. I don’t mean actually pulling 60 hours on the job, although that’s true for many, many people. By the time you add up work hours plus travel hours plus prep hours, you are probably spending close to 60 hours/week. Allowing for just sleep and work, you now have 52 hours for everything else — social, chores, family life, hobbies, errands.
Too often that time will be eaten up by needs more often than wants. You need to have food, either by grocery shopping or restaurant runs or something in between. You are probably going to spend time or money, depending on which you have more. You have to have clean clothes, which mean laundry, although I did go out and buy a new outfit once when I had nothing to wear to work on a Friday. We don’t need to get bogged down in this example, but suffice it to say, it’s hard to find a balance!
The balance doesn’t always work on a daily or weekly basis, either. There are some weeks that you are on vacation and have 100% sleep and social with zero percent work. Lovely. But that means that the week before and after, you may have to spend 75% of your time dealing with work. That’s okay. It works out in the long run.
Some of life’s balance is more about how we behave than where we behave. We can be at home, or in a social situation, but if we’re surly and moody because of work or some other issue, then the balance remains off.
Too often I have seen people be incredibly thoughtful and kind at work, with people whom they don’t especially love, only to return to a loving family, at whom they snarl and snap. That’s a mixed up balance. You may have been kind 50% of your day, but that’s not the kind of balance intended.
What about attitude? Can you maintain a good attitude 100% of the time? Probably not. Disappointments and frustrations get to all of us sometime. Your goal, then, is to have your negative attitude when you’re all alone. Go to an empty room and focus on something where you can be successful — it may be a hobby, it may be balancing a checkbook, it may be office work, it may be exercise. Just do something alone until the negative emotions are replaced by positive emotions, thus a better attitude.
Work-life balance is hard. Some people suggest that it is work versus life, as though you have to spend as many hours at home as you do at work. For others, however, their life really is their job, which is why it’s possible for them to spend so many hours at work and maintain a positive outlook. Working really is their joy.
So, when talking about balance, you can segment your life as stated, but you need to find your own segments, and you need to apportion the appropriate amount of time to each, so that you are in balance, in your own life, and with others.
Ah, when others enter the picture, balance may be temporarily thrown off. You were once happy working twelve hour days, until you met your spouse, and suddenly that was too much time at work. But you didn’t stop loving your work when you fell in love with someone. A new balance must be created. Isn’t it great that you’re smart enough to do that?
Just as a budget is a fluid document (I’m sure you’re not using the same budget you had when you were 25 years old. You’ve had several budgets, every time there was a major change in income or expenses), work/life balance is a fluid concept. Find what works for you, for now. If you’re an ogre or way too kind, then your balance is off. If your boundaries don’t work for your family, then they don’t work for you. Find what works for you and keeps others happy as well. You can make adjustments as life changes, even season by season.
You’ll be a happier person by intentionally maintaining a balanced life.
Lindy is an International Keynote Speaker and Consultant. Please contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com.
