We often hear the word ‘narcissistic’ thrown around very loosely. But there are levels on the spectrum. Each of us has some of these traits. At times, we can become self-absorbed and behave as though the world revolves around us. However, we eventually go back to reality and show empathy toward others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is the other end of the spectrum, and it is both dangerous and detrimental to our everyday dealings. In this situation, empathy does not exist and individuals with this disorder put on a fake persona to mask their very weak sense of self.
NPD is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people (Wikipedia).
A true narcissist is both apathetic and manipulative in work and personal situations. It is their way of life. They can be great liars and charmers when you first meet or interact with them. Perhaps they hired you solely for their own personal gain? Perhaps you make them look or feel better? Should you try to surpass or compete with anyone like this, they will be the first to spot it and sabotage your efforts toward success. These individuals are dangerous because they feel no remorse. It is not part of their overall makeup.
We hear about narcissistic abuse in personal situations. Yet it exists in the workplace too. We are conditioned to not speak about this issue, let alone identify its seriousness. We assume that Bill is just “difficult” or Sam has a “healthy ego.” We are so consumed with getting ahead, that we’ve normalized bad behavior from our associates, peers and bosses. You know you are dealing with such individuals when your environment feels uneasy, heavy or uncomfortable. The true test is when your own voice, thoughts or opinions are regularly cut off, ignored or completely shut down. Ideas clash. Disagreements happen. However, if the environment feels stifling or belittling, pack your bags and walk away.
Individuals with NPD actually LIKE their disorder. It is not worth your sanity to feed into them. Whether the attention you give them is positive or negative, they seek it constantly. Your only way of winning is walking.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the following are 9 criteria for NPD to look out for:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
- Belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should be associated with, other special or high-status people or institutions
- Need for excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement
- Interpersonally exploitative behavior
- Lack of empathy
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
- Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors and attitudes
While these criteria are stated, this does not mean you should begin diagnosing your co-workers or colleagues. What it does mean is that if something feels off — it probably is. Trust your gut and walk away. Maybe it’s time to redefine your own definition of success in the workplace.
