What is influence? And how much of it do you have—at work, at home, or when faced with a situation you want to work in your favor?
Your influence is your capacity to have an effect on someone’s character, development, or behavior. You’ve probably noticed some women around you who seem to wield more influence than others. People are won to their point of view more easily, seem to follow their lead even if they are not in positions of leadership, and clamber to get what they have to offer.
Let’s talk about a few key habits that can transform your ability to “get to yes” …
Showing Concern for Those Around You
It almost sounds too simple, but it’s a simple fact that caring leads to influence. Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
The people who show concern for you, who go out of their way for you and display an interest in what matters to you, are the people who are most likely to influence you. I once had a boss who hand- wrote personalized birthday cards to every employee in the company. It seems like a small gesture, and it is, but the positive emotions it created in each person strengthened the relationship between the leader and those who followed her.
Now, imagine for a moment that your boss remembers all of your children’s names and ages and routinely stops by your desk and asks about them. Imagine that same boss tells you about a skill you need to develop and opens up an opportunity for you to be trained on that particular skill.
All of these are real scenarios, and guess what? All the bosses who engaged in these acts of care and concern have fiercely loyal employees. These bosses influence the behavior of their team not by telling them what to do differently, but by caring.
Making People Like You
The whole idea of “liking” as an important foundation for building influence may sound superficial, but it’s how we are wired as humans.
I am not suggesting that you make it your objective to be liked to the detriment of your character, beliefs, or authenticity. Not everyone will like you. It’s okay. Being liked should not be your life’s work. The best rule of thumb is to be your best self. Seek in any given moment to be kind, authentic, and helpful.
What makes someone like you? Research shows that a major component of “liking” is having commonalities. We like people who are like us in some way. This can be as simple as a cue taken from the fact that you are wearing a similar outfit or you grew up in the same region of the country. Even small things can make a difference in how comfortable someone feels around you and is ultimately approved of by you.
Being Generous with Your Approval, Appreciation, and Acknowledgments
A good compliment is not only kind. It is wise. Those who freely give compliments create a dynamic that makes them more likable. Giving approval in the form of compliments, affirmation, and acknowledgment builds the bonds that strengthen your influence.
Research has shown time and again that it is more powerful to build on one’s strengths than to try to fix one’s weaknesses. In fact, in the workplace, it is critical for managers to acknowledge what employees do well and not just harp on what needs to be improved. Affirming a person’s good attributes is the right way to get them to make needed changes.
If you want to influence the likelihood of a person repeating a behavior or saying yes to a request, state your compliment in a way that gives them a reputation to live up to. For example, “So-and-so told me you did a fantastic job with that project, and I would love it if you would consider helping on this new project.” Complimenting positive behavior increases your likability with the person being complimented and influences the likelihood that behavior will be repeated.
Favor
There is one more key habit of influence, and it is not a habit that you control. It is unmerited favor. Have you ever had good fortune come your way, but you cannot explain why it came to you or perhaps even how? That’s favor.
Favor doesn’t require you to be perfect—only faithful. That means when you stumble, you do your best to learn the lesson. You are willing to admit your faults and you try to do better next time.
In Proverbs 3:3, it tells us that when you love well and live faithfully, you will win favor. Favor can give you influence when it seems you shouldn’t have any. Favor will cause people to like you, elevate you, and place you in positions of higher influence. Ask for it.
Taken from: Successful Women Speak Differently: 9 Habits That Build Confidence, Courage, and Influence. Copyright © 2016 by Valorie Burton. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon. www.harvesthousepublishers.com. Used by Permission.
