As a small business owner, the day-to-day challenges, and stresses, the demands on your time, the risks you take, and the hours you invest to create a healthy and thriving business, are always on your mind. There are also those times of crisis that require even more of you, where you may wonder how you can stretch yourself in terms of time, and also manage to remain strong, both mentally and emotionally.
I recently experienced my own family crisis which required more of my time and attention, while having to still remain focussed with my business commitments. My elderly father, at 89 years of age, suddenly realised he could not continue as my mother’s full-time carer, and requested help from myself, and my brother. My father had never requested help from anyone, so I certainly paid attention, and I was willing to be there for him and my mother. For two months, I spent a large volume of time with my parents, and by researching different housing options for them. I had to continue managing the ongoing demands of my business, and my personal life.
During those two months of crisis, I discovered valuable tools that were useful. They assisted me to not just manage, but also to actually thrive during that challenging time, and meanwhile to create better relationships with my family.
Here are the tools you can use to manage crisis and trauma while in business:
1. Be willing to acknowledge what is actually going on
My father was overwhelmed and in a state of distress, and he thought that he would die very soon. I discovered that the care workers around him, as well as the rest of my family, acted as though this were not a possibility, that he would continue living, while the discussion of death was to be avoided.
I remember having a conversation with my father very clearly, and I told him that if he thought he was dying, I would understand if he was ready to go. I will never forget the relief on his face. It seemed as though we were able to move forward with everything that was required for us to do, much more easily, once we had that deep, honest, and difficult conversation together. By being honest, discussing and acknowledging what is happening in your own crisis situation, it assists greatly in what needs to be done, with greater clarity and understanding.
2. Use simple questions to release stress with others
During the time my father was really ill, I was confronted with a few things my brother did, where I felt triggered with anger. Several times, I had to stop myself from reacting in an email or text message to him.
There were two questions I decided to asked myself, that helped me to find the right words, to feel released of the tension and anger, rather than to create more stress. I asked, “what words can I say, so that this person can hear my meaning?” “What words can I say that will create the most?”
You will find as you write or speak, that the words just come to you, and that you end up contributing in a healthy manner to a difficult situation, rather than responding in a toxic or unhealthy way, creating even more tension, and possibly resentment.
3. Release perfectionism
Many of us were praised as children when we got things right or did well, and so as adults, we find ourselves striving for the perfectionism that got us praised as children. When we become business owners, this need for perfection can hold us back at anytime. However, at a time of crisis, it becomes imperative to break those patterns of only doing something when we are sure it’s perfect.
When we have more going on, we have to speed up the time we take with the essential tasks, to keep our businesses moving forward. Being willing to delegate, to make quick decisions, and to trust yourself is vital, without the noise of perfectionism.
4. Choose your priorities
When my father requested help, I realised that I could either feel a sense of obligation to help, or I could actively choose to be there for him and my mother when they really needed me to assist them. Once I chose to be committed to being there, everything became easier. If I had feelings of resentment or emotional strain arise, I reminded myself that I was choosing to be there for my parents, and this was a tool that helped with processing difficult emotions.
I also needed to create and communicate clear boundaries for when I needed to return to spend more time in my business. On a few occasions after the immediate “crisis” was over, I said “no” when my Dad asked me to visit at short notice, and I then scheduled a month long business trip, so that my family could see I was going back to living my own life again. That the support we had established with our research, no longer relied on one person, and was shared with the greater family, and the professional assistance we had arranged with our parents, for their care.
5. Remember you
Don’t be afraid to ask for help for yourself. If this means seeing a therapist or doctor for assistance, to process deeper crisis of grief or trauma, then do so. At the same time as choosing to be there for my parents, and continue with my business obligations, I realised that I couldn’t neglect my own well being. I always recommend having an hour a day, and a day a week for yourself, doing things that you love to do, things that nurture you and enable you to continue to have the energy to give. This is particularly important at times of stress and trauma. Our minds may tell us we should push on and carry on working. We cannot be there for other people, or for our business, if we forget to set aside time for us.
6. Ask for help
Give others the opportunity to help you, and for you to ask, and to receive help. With your wider community of your friendship and business circles, you may require assistance in small ways, from simple household tasks, to checking in with your supplier. We can build deeper bonds of trust with these relationships by asking for help, especially in times of difficulty. The help you require may be in the form of engaging a cleaner for your home, or someone to maintain your garden while you are processing the crisis and managing the more immediate tasks.
We are always able to handle what is going on for us, and it is through our most challenging times and crises when we may discover more awareness of our actual own strength and capabilities.
