Ask anyone of their experience with speaking in front of a group, and I guarantee they can think of at least one “horror” story of speaking up in a professional environment. Perhaps they were ridiculed or criticized for their opinion on front of their peers, repeatedly ignored or made to feel of no value by a bad boss, or messed up an important presentation. For many, these experiences can leave a lasting impression and if we let them, can develop into a destructive form of shyness and withdrawal in our professional lives.
Bad experiences or not, we tend to be our own worst enemies in terms of creating the shyness we experience. The majority of it often stems from our own our inner-dialogue, where we tend to imagine something far worse than what would actually show up if we chose to speak up and use our voice more in the workplace.
Here are four ways to shift perspective so you can overcome shyness and share your voice more freely and easily in your business-life:
1. Banish self-judgement & upgrade your inner self-talk
The biggest battle with shyness begins in our own mind. We worry about what people might say or how they might react – we tell ourselves all kinds of stories: “I can’t,” “I don’t know what I am talking about,” “If I ask that I’ll look stupid.” The real antidote to shyness is being willing to eliminate the negative thoughts and feelings that we use against ourselves. In business, you build rapport with clients by treating them with courtesy and respect. If you are not doing the same for yourself, it’s time to change that. Here is a very simple process to use any time self-judgments arise:
- See a big red STOP sign. That’s right. Just stop. You are the only one who can control your thoughts, so it is up to you to make the conscious choice that you will stop the self-doubt and self-criticism. Don’t underestimate the power of this one simple choice.
- Re-focus from the negative and look for the positive about you. Ask, “What’s right about me I am not getting?” Asking a question like this triggers your curiosity and wonder, which takes you out of the “dead-end” of judgment.
- Add in self-gratitude. Gratitude cancels out judgments and criticism; you can’t be grateful and judgmental of you in the same moment. Think of what you are grateful for about you. For example, acknowledge something about you that you are good at, that you find easy to accomplish, or something that others have acknowledged you for.
2. Acknowledge that you add value
One of the biggest lies we use to maintain shyness and stop from speaking up is believing that we have nothing of value to add. Everybody has a unique view of the world, even if at times it may appear the same or similar to others. Also, you don’t have to be an expert on something to ask a question, add an idea or have a suggestion. In fact, sometimes coming from the non-expert position is an advantage, because you will see things from the outside that people on the inside cannot. Don’t negate the contribution you can be. Even if your words or suggestions are not taken up and used, you can’t predict the conversations, thoughts or ideas it may spark in you or others. What’s the worst that could happen if you speak up? At the very least, people may appreciate that you are interested and willing to contribute.
3. Give up polarized notions of perfect/imperfect, good/bad, success/failure
Have you ever thought if you could just find the perfect thing to say at the exact right moment, you will finally be able to speak up and everything will go well, and you will no longer feel shy? This is a fantasy, because there is no such thing as perfect! Sometimes the greatest successes, changes, and innovations come from the failures, the bad ideas. There is something very compelling and refreshing about a person who is willing to freely bring forth questions, thoughts and random ideas with a sense of curiosity and wonder without the limit of self-judgement getting in the way. If you are hesitant to speak up, ask yourself, “Am I trying to get this right, good or perfect?” “Am I trying to avoid being wrong, imperfect or a failure?” and banish those value judgments. Rather than judging your ideas before you’ve even shared them, put your attention on the curiosity of what sharing your thoughts might contribute to the business or the people around you, and you may find it is much easier to speak up.
4. Trust you & don’t wait for others to take the lead
Shyness can get a much easier foothold when don’t trust ourselves to take the lead in our lives, and instead look to others to come up with the answers, innovations and ways forward. What aspects or areas of business do you rely on others to provide the ideas and solutions? Which areas would benefit from you beginning to trust in your ideas, too, rather than putting all your faith in other people’s assessments and knowledge? Ask, “What do I know about this I haven’t acknowledged?” and act on the instincts you have that you might have previously ignored our doubted.
If you are in business, it is because somewhere you know that you have something to offer to the world that is different from other people and businesses. The more you acknowledge, embrace and voice that difference, the less power and impact shyness will on you and what you choose, create and accomplish.
