We are all caught by surprise at one point or another by someone’s passing when we least expect it. In the UK, many more people have been passing each week compared to the start of last year. However much we expect someone’s passing, the reality of it happening may hit in unexpected ways. Even though much may have been planned or instructed, there are still difficult choices to be made.
Before we begin, please first check with the family whether they want flowers, funeral flower arrangements or would prefer that donations are made to a particular charity or a favorite cause.
Funeral Flowers Are for Those Left Behind
Depending on the family’s beliefs and preferences, the wishes of those who have passed, customs may vary. Sometimes the flowers are sent to the church or the funeral home rather than to their home. Traditionally flowers are not part of a Jewish funeral, but condolence flowers are now becoming more acceptable.
If you are sending flowers to the funeral home, try to arrange for them to arrive before the first visiting house so they are there when the family arrives. Most florists will make special arrangements to deliver these at your convenience; simply ask their advice. They understand the need to express your deepest sympathies as well as how to help get the pertinent details that may have slipped your mind.
What to Say on the Card
Always make sure both your first and last names are on the card accompanying the flowers. They are often kept for years afterward, so be as kind as you can. Make your words as personal as possible if you can, and if you can, remember them in joy and celebration. However, do not worry if you can’t relate an important anecdote; family and friends may want to hear it in person.
Here are a few useful phrases when words fail. “We are so sorry for your loss.” “We are thinking of you during this difficult time.” “With deepest sympathy as you remember (name).” “I was saddened to hear your Mum/Dad/etc. passed away.” “With heartfelt condolences.” “S/he will be missed by everyone that knew her/him.” “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you.”
Traditional Flowers for Funerals
Most funeral flower arrangements are ordered by the family. Wreaths represent eternal life, and sprays can be arranged in virtually every shape imaginable as displays, on the casket and even in the casket. Many families also distribute single flowers to be left by those closest to the deceased to say goodbye — these are often chrysanthemums, roses, or the deceased’s favorite flower.
Those choices are best left to the family and close friends to decide what they prefer. For others, smaller sprays, baskets, arrangements, and even live plant arrangements can be made to order. However, most good florists have many suitable arrangements which can be ordered at a moment’s notice. Some will even have flowers that can be ordered and delivered on the same day. However, it may take a little longer if your preference is to give a plant, with the peace lily being a popular choice.
Honor Those Who Have Passed
Let’s start with the flowers. Whether you go for bright, white, or subdued, you can now find many choices for your tribute. There is no need to subdue your own preferences from what you know of the person who has passed. Most flowers, as well as their colours have some symbolic meanings.
It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not; it is simply to find the right balance between what you know about their preferences and your own. For example, white Cala Lilies are often given to symbolise resurrection and rebirth. As noted above Chrysanthemums are often used in funeral flowers, depending on local customs. White Chrysanthemum is said to symbolise truth and is often used in the floral displays on the casket and stands.
Daylilies, roses, carnations irises, and hypericums are all popular flowers for those looking for inspiration for the funeral itself as well as sympathy flowers. Most florists will be very sympathetic to including the flowers which help celebrate their life. This can often make a big difference to those who really loved their flowers.
Finding a Sympathetic Florist
Although many florists seem to only focus on the romance, celebrations, and ceremonies of lives just starting, most devote that same care and attention to the passing of a loved one. Some will even lift some of the stress and burden by making the arrangements directly with the funeral home so that family members have one less thing to worry about at a very stressful time.
There are a few words of caution to relate, starting with finding a reliable florist. By this, we mean someone who will use flowers which will continue to look nice through to the actual funeral itself. Be sure to ask up front about the ability to deliver before the funeral home opens. Most importantly, look to see what options they have available and the kind of service they have given to others.
